T - 11 Days

Our flights are booked. After a long, crazy, snowy day, many phone calls and a very patient and helpful travel agent(who stayed well past the end of his work day to help us) we know the day and time we leave. I thought we would never know. Wednesday, March 5 at 12:15 we will fly from Newark, spend 13 hours in the air, and land on the other side of the world in Beijing. I am relieved that we will travel so quickly, not only because it means we are that much closer to meeting our daughter, but because it will give me just enough time to think about what I need to do and (hopefully) not enough time to dwell on the one million items that could cause me great anxiety (flying topping the list followed by the fear that something will happen to Alex, but in a way they are the same because if something happens while we are flying...). But that is where I stop myself and am even trying to erase those two dark corners. I am using every ounce of faith, yoga breath, mountain pose, and wine glass to make sure my mind does not go to that place. And I wonder why we (women especially) do this to ourselves? Why don't we lay awake at night and wonder at how amazing things will be when they all turn out okay?



All fears aside, in about two weeks, Cate will be with us and a part of us and I know once that happens, I will exhale the breath I have held for the past 22 months and begin to truly celebrate the wonder of it all.